06 October 2015

too much

my brain feels dead today. the heat is zapping any left over energy from taking care of the twins and the home.. seriously, how do single parents manage?

i read 'minding frankie' by maeve binchy some time ago, and i loved how she described an entire community helping this single father take care of a new born baby.. and the fragility of the timetables and phone numbers and so on..

i adore my kids, and am super thankful to have them in my life, but sometimes i just want to not have so much responsibility and stress. the constant loop of they-are-not-eating-enough-healthy-food-they-are-overdosing-on-milk-why-are-they-always-sick-how-do-i-stop-them-from-hitting-and-kicking-eachother-when-will-they-not-be-cranky-after-a-nap-why-are-they-scared-of-sitting-on-a-horse-ad infinitum is driving me nuts :(

i need a pause button.

#microblog mondays

28 September 2015


the twins are sick. m has been unwell for the past 10 days, and the dr has said he will most likely need antibiotics for another two weeks. a has now started coughing. with little sleep and super crankiness to deal with, i am down to nil reserves of patience and good humour. my back hurts from carting m around everywhere, my eyes are gritty and i feel as though i am walking around with a fish bowl on my head.

and yet, i still need to function like an adult, a mom, wife, daughter in law. the laundry still needs to be done, food still needs to be put on the table, work needs to be completed. sigh. i miss the days when staying up all night working on a paper was enough currency to get away with behaving like a zombie, or having the flu was reason to live in a room resembling a pig sty.

#microblog mondays


14 September 2015

scars of life and waves of grief

"to live is to be marked. To live is to change..."

"we are our injuries, as much as we are our successes."

my favourite barbara kingsolver quotes (the poisonwood bible). i was reminded of them when i read this awesome piece on dealing with death and grief:

"My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had... And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it... Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can’t see."

"As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves."

the wave analogy is brilliant. read it. 

#microblog mondays

08 September 2015

the twins and memory

thankfully, the twins love reading and listening to stories. they love their picture books, and their story books. i may get bored of telling them the same story 50 gazillion times, but not them. i make up random, short anecdotes (aka stories) while feeding them, and they soak them up. to the extent that i can no longer miss out a single word, or replace it with another. if i don't say it in the exact same way that they remember, they scream and get upset. which makes me marvel at their memory.. they must have over 20 story books, all of which they seem to know by heart. and another 10 stories or so that i randomly made up for them.. i wonder at which point they will start forgetting stuff..

i pray quran surahs to them, and other qasidas, and they pick it all up so fast! they are like little sponges.. alhumdolillah! i wish that this ability of theirs to instantly remember stuff would last throughout school.. it would be so useful in learning history dates, the periodic table, etc etc :P

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04 September 2015

an all women police station and a cafe run by acid attack survivors

these two stories that i came across yesterday made me smile, and feel tiny sparks of hope regarding the situation of women in india. first, this post regarding a women's only police station in haryana. and second, the story of 'sheroes hangout', a cafe in agra run and staffed by acid attack survivors.

having more women police officers can only be a good thing, although it will take much more than one women's only police station to balance out the current police force that has only some 5 percent women officers. i am now interested in knowing how the 400 or so women only police stations in the country are faring, and how much difference they make in reporting, punishing and preventing crime against women.

if sheroes was in mumbai, i would totally go and hangout there, to support these women, and create awareness regarding the atrocious crime of acid attacks. more power to them, and all women out there, struggling against the odds!

02 September 2015

where is india's alternative media?

i almost never watch news on indian tv. if you have ever seen it, you will understand how disturbing it is, how unlike ‘news’, it really is. i grew up watching the local hk news with my dad, which was so staid and serious in comparison. once i went to university, i read the news online, all international broadsheets: the iht, the guardian, and then slowly news websites like the bbc. as part of my journalism classes, i had to study tabloids like the sun, so i understood sensationalism and triviality and page 3 news. it is unfortunate that this is all that the indian news channels and papers are capable of.

i wonder what they teach journalism students here; distinctions between fact and rumour, between allegations and convictions, between innocence and guilt? do journalists even need any qualifications here? from what i can see of news anchors, they would be more suited in the theater/film world. the recent sheena bora murder has made a total circus of the media. i have read several opinion pieces disgusted with the way indian media has handled itself. and that too, at a time when there were other worthier stories at hand: the gujarat violence and reservations debate, the financial markets situation. prior to this, the yakub memon hanging was what occupied the indian media in a similar frenzy.

the average indian gleans his news from these news channels and papers. few indians will look at international news sources, and hence have no bar for comparison. india needs more alternative news outlets. magazines and newspapers that report news, not sensation. i don’t buy the cliche that ‘this is what people want’. the people don’t know anything else. if there was a choice, they would choose the better option.

31 August 2015

five star surrealness

i had a sleepover and breakfast with a college roommate last week, it was wonderful to see her after so long, to take a break from the twins. plus, the sleepover was at the taj hotel. total decadence! it felt like i was in another country, another world. we were hungry at midnight, and looking through the room service menu nearly gave me a heart attack. a simple chicken burger cost over 1000 rupees. (for an entire family meal at a restaurant, we usually pay 1200 rupees). my friend was telling me that the taj in delhi would fill up bubble baths for their patrons when they returned to the hotel.. these bath tubs were huge.. and many a time, the water is just wasted when bubble baths are not wanted. this is in a country where water shortages are always a problem. so much waste seems wrong, irresponsible. it reminded me of hotels in egypt where there were always signs in the bathroom to not waste water, and where sometimes, water would not be available 24-7. i found that to be a smart thing actually..

after breakfast, i had to return home to take my kids to school. this involved taking the local train. going from the taj to the local train was just too surreal. the station and trains were filled with people with disabilities, ordinary people struggling to make ends meet, hawkers trying to earn a few rupees, stall vendors selling their wares in the stifling heat. seeing the crowded trains transporting people to where they needed to go, to do what they needed to do, the taj seemed like an affront.

i’m sure five star hotels have their place in the world, but..

#microblog mondays